HDIEUMDBTSB Chapter 64: Children of a Beautiful World

 Volume Two: The Path to Gaining Fans

Chapter Fourteen: Children of a Beautiful World

The original's suicide note was saved in the phone's memo, and Chu Zhi transcribed the text version. "The Light That Fell Into Life" was temporarily included after drawing the miscellaneous song package. How to say...

Chu Zhi's body trembled uncontrollably; it wasn't an act. Exposing the scars deep in his heart to the public, raw and ugly, would be a significant pressure for anyone, especially someone with depression.

"It's okay, no one will scold you anymore. People believe you weren't kept and weren't secretly married. Be good, don't be afraid." Chu Zhi spoke to the original in his heart. He didn't know if it was his imagination or the residual reaction of the original's body, but after saying this, the trembling stopped.

The subtle feeling of rejection between the Best Actor and the body disappeared, indicating that the last trace of the original's presence had vanished from this parallel world, leaving nothing behind.

Letting people know what that child went through was one of Chu Zhi's purposes in this dramatic act.

Gulp.

The study was so quiet that even the sound of swallowing could be heard. What defines a professional photographer? Tactical leaning, and Jelly was a professional. Even though he hadn't fully processed what was happening, his hands instinctively aimed at the subject, thus broadcasting the entire process of the guest's trembling and subsequent calmness without reservation.

"Teacher Chu..." Wei Tongzi's tears welled up, a mixture of heartache and fear.

The heartache was understandable; even a passerby would feel heartache seeing this scene. The fear stemmed from realizing how serious the situation was. She only wanted more fans to know their idol had depression and to support him. She didn't intend to fully expose his scars, including the suicide note.

"It's all in the past, it's okay to talk about it." Chu Zhi's face showed little expression.

"I..." Wei Tongzi wished she could slap herself.

Things had come to this, and yet Jiu Ge still had to comfort you. How capable you are? Wei Tongzi blamed herself inwardly.

The barrage exploded: "Wuwuwu," "Jiu Ge, you must be okay," "5555," "I have a lot to say, but I don't know where to start. Chu Zhi looks normal," "Want to hug Orange," "No, please"...

There were also some informative comments in the livestream: "Auditory hallucinations are a primary symptom of mental illness, typically a sign of schizophrenia. For depression, it usually has to be severe to experience command auditory hallucinations. So Jiu Ge's depression being severe is not an exaggeration..."

The atmosphere in the study was heavy. The live broadcast had to continue, and it needed a guest to break the silence. Chu Zhi felt he was bearing too much for this show.

"Pang Ge and Tong Tong, if you have any questions, just ask directly," Chu Zhi said. "Don't delay the recording."

"Ahem." Pang Pu cleared his throat. Having seen many storms, he quickly adjusted and asked bluntly, "Teacher Chu, is this a suicide note? When did you write it?"

"August 17th, it is indeed a suicide note," Chu Zhi said. "After writing it, I planned to take sleeping pills. Hmm—not accurate."

"I did take sleeping pills. At that time, I felt the whole world was against me."

"Of course, I knew it was just what I believed because the world had no time to bother with me."

Chu Zhi made a small joke during his narration, but no one laughed. He paused and continued, "For over two months, I desperately hoped someone would prove my innocence. I held onto a bit of fantasy, that the people who wronged me would come forward to clarify. I clearly didn't do those things."

"So I checked Weibo every day, hoping for a reversal, but every day I saw bad comments."

"Even when I stopped looking, just using my phone, various apps' notifications still had similar messages [What's the limit of the entertainment circle, hoping the country severely punishes unethical celebrities], [Using money to suppress others' quotas, analyzing the cat's cradle of the champion of Future Star], etc."

"Then I started having nightmares. I still remember one nightmare vividly. In it, I went back to my childhood, and my parents reached out their hands to hug me. When I ran over, my mother suddenly said [Why did you become a child who loves to lie, claiming you're not married when you are], and my father said [It's our fault for not teaching you well, hurry up and apologize]."

Although his tone seemed like that of a bystander, without emotional fluctuations, none of the three present—Pang Pu, Wei Tongzi, and Jelly—believed this experience lacked ups and downs.

How tortured must one be to have such nightmares?

The nightmare described was the original's personal experience, and Chu Zhi narrated the depression process as an observer.

"Because of the nightmares, my mental state deteriorated, with constant chest tightness and headaches for a month. I felt like I could hear faint voices telling me [go die], [you should die] even when I slept, and wearing earplugs didn't help. Even hitting my arms and legs hard to induce pain couldn't make the voices disappear."

"After about two months, I felt I couldn't hold on any longer, so I wrote the suicide note and took the sleeping pills." Chu Zhi didn't go into more detail, quickly wrapping up the story.

Don't think the diagnosis didn't include sleeping pills. Sleeping pills are a general term for medications like zopiclone and zaleplon, and the prescribed estazolam tablets are indeed sleeping pills. Generally, hospitals prescribe only a week's supply of sleeping pills, and estazolam tablets up to twenty tablets.

But if someone truly wants to commit suicide, there's nothing doctors or the country can do. Sleeping pills are classified as Category II psychotropic drugs, not as strictly controlled as Category I, which require ID registration and shared information among hospitals, public security, and health departments. In the parallel world, one could purchase sleeping pills repeatedly from different hospitals.

Not so on Earth; Category II drugs are also networked.

Many people think that taking sleeping pills to commit suicide is painless and convenient, but it's a deceptive portrayal by film and television. Chu Zhi knew this very clearly through his memories.

"Was Teacher Chu saved by someone?" Wei Tongzi asked, not noticing the slight tremble in her voice.

"Maybe I didn't take enough pills and was choked awake by my vomit," Chu Zhi explained. He sincerely hoped the original was choked awake rather than dead.

He spoke solemnly, "Most sleeping pills deliberately contain emetic alkaloids like ipecac. Pharmaceutical companies specifically add this emetic effect to prevent people from committing suicide with sleeping pills. When you continue to swallow them, your stomach will feel extremely uncomfortable. They do this to prevent people from using sleeping pills to commit suicide. While swallowing the pills, your stomach and throat will feel like they're filled with acid, and the vomit can block your airways. Those scenes in movies where people die peacefully from sleeping pills are purely fictional."

Wei Tongzi asked again, "How... did you get through it?"

Pang Pu shook his head inwardly. Could she be a bit more tactful? Asking "how did you get through it" might trigger suicidal thoughts in the guest again. She should ask, "How is Teacher Chu doing now that the truth is out?" Wei Tongzi had completely lost her composure as a host, defaulting to her emotional state. It's understandable, given her idol's near-death experience.

"As for how I got through it—it's fitting to discuss this now. I also want to say something to my fans, Little Fruits, or any passersby watching this video." Chu Zhi turned slightly towards the camera. "I know life can present many insurmountable challenges, making it feel impossible to keep going."

"Countless times before attempting suicide, I wished someone could help me, extend a hand. But no one did. I know very well the feeling of being abandoned by everyone around you, so I want to be the one who reaches out."

"That's why I wrote 'Backlight,' to tell my fans that someone does care. I care about you very, very much." Chu Zhi continued, "I've held on for so many years; let's hold on a bit longer, okay? Let's hang in there for a few more years. I'll invite everyone to my eighth-anniversary concert for free."

Not just Wei Tongzi, even Pang Pu was moved to tears by these words. However, he remained professional, holding his small clipboard without wiping his tears, letting them stream down his face.

The next segment was supposed to be about selecting questions from Little Mango friends in the live chat for the guest, but now that seemed unimportant.

"Moreover," Chu Zhi smiled, "when I was on the brink of death and arrived in heaven, I saw that old man God. He told me, 'Go back and tell the children on Earth not to commit suicide; heaven is full.' And then I was kicked back to Earth."

"We are all children of a beautiful world. Kids, don't commit suicide. Let's live well."

The Best Actor's performance ended with a curtain call.

His words to the Little Mango friends in the live chat were exceptionally sincere, and the impact was profound—

【Wuwuwu, definitely! I'm in junior high school. When I was young, my parents fought a lot, and I was very depressed. I asked my parents to take me to a psychologist, but they said I was being dramatic. My mom told me, 'The hardships we've endured are more than the salt you've eaten.' It made sense because at least I hadn't gone hungry. But I felt so bad, especially every time my parents fought and broke things at home. I couldn't help but self-harm with a small knife. When I shared online, many people thought I was trying to get attention because I'm a junior high student. But I'm not, really not. I also felt abandoned by the world. After reading your words, I suddenly feel like I have a pillar of support in my heart. Someone believes in me. I will definitely strive to live and attend the eighth-anniversary concert.】

【It's painful. I tried to slit my wrists recently and was sent to the hospital and saved. Lying in the hospital bed, I didn't want to live but also didn't have a strong urge to die. I felt like a pile of rotten mud, and calling me that would be an insult to the mud. I tried hard but failed, almost paying with my life. As a failure, I don't have the courage to fight again and don't believe anyone can help. Although I follow the entertainment industry, I've never been a fan of any celebrity. But today, I'm a fan. I want to ask Jiu Ge why, after feeling abandoned by the world, you still want to help others? No one understands despair better than those who have experienced it, but despair makes you lose the will to live. Jiu Ge, I respect you a lot. You're a good person, a very good person.】

【The rope snaps at its weakest point, and misfortune only finds the unfortunate. I don't want to talk about my experiences, but "we are all children of a beautiful world" broke my defenses. A forty-something-year-old man, crying while watching a live stream is ridiculous. No one has called me a child for over thirty years. I almost forgot I used to be one. Thank you, Chu Zhi.】

In the live chat, many people who had regained their confidence due to Chu Zhi's words left messages.

Each hopeful message seemed like a stranded person in despair, with their feet stuck in mud, unable to move. But holding Chu Zhi's outstretched hand, the dark fog cleared, leaving only dawn.

Perhaps it was Chu Zhi's experiences or their own will to survive, but they just needed a reason.

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